Life Coaching by Eileen Lang

Awakening to the Journey

Wed, 04 Jan 2012 23:45:00 +0000

Anything we experience,

no matter how challenging,

can become an open pathway to awakening

PEMA CHODRON Awakening the Heart

New Year's Goal Setting

Tue, 03 Jan 2012 15:55:00 +0000

"Happy New Year" gets shouted loud and happy. We welcome the New Year because it brings us promise of change and hope that our dreams will come true. Next we look at what we want changed and usually set unreasonable goals only to run out of steam in a few days or weeks. Until next year rolls around and we do it all again.

It is all about setting the goals and the plan to achieve those goals that makes change possible. We have to give up that instant gratification and hold ourselves to a more realistic plan. Change takes time and planning. We want to lose 20 lbs immediately and not really address how we gained 20 lbs. Giving ourselves the time to address the issues around the goal and develop a realistic plan is the best gift we can give ourselves for the New Year.

If you have been stuggling with a goal that you want to achieve this year then contact me and we can figure it all out together. We can have measurable steps along the way and I can give you the support to reach your goals.

Happy New Year :)

Eileen

Knowing When To Change

Thu, 29 Dec 2011 12:50:00 +0000

In the movies it all becomes so clear that the main character needs to change and then it happens seamlessly. Our lead character finds the moment and it all comes together. You may be wondering why it doesn't feel that way for you. In real life taking charge of your change is harder than sitting back waiting for it to flow Take a more active approach and be in charge of the change you want to happen. It all starts with your vision and being brave enough to imagine the change you want in your life. I can help you plan for the change you want and give you the support you need to reach your goals. Make 2012 your year to be proud of your acomplishments.

Introduction to Change 2012

Mon, 26 Dec 2011 22:55:00 +0000

Now is the time to imagine the change you want in your life for 2012. The first step is to outline the change you want and dream of achieving it. What would it look like and how would it feel if you achieved your goals? What do you think is in the way of achieving your goals? How can you begin to chart your journey to success?

The sense of danger must not disappear:

The way is certainly both short and steep,

However gradual it looks from here:

Look if you like, but you will have to leap.

Much can be said for savoir-faire,

But, to rejoice when no one else is there

Is even harder than it is to weep;

No one is watching, but you have to leap.

Our dream of safety has to disappear.

-W.H.Auden, "Leap Before You Look"

As It All Comes Together

Fri, 23 Dec 2011 16:15:00 +0000

As it all comes together while relatives are arriving,you are cooking meals, wrapping presents and baking remember to check in with yourself. Are you stressed or even maybe a little sad? Stopping for just a few minutes can help you to check in with your feelings and process them to feel better. If you are stressed then a few moments of down time can let you take a breath and bring on a sense of calm.

Do you have unfinished emotional business with a family member? This may not be a good time to resolve things and when you let them get to you then you give them the power to mess with your holiday. Take a breath and step away to deal with the emotion and make a choice whether you need to respond. It is always better to respond verses react. When you choose to respond verses react you are in control. What is to be gained from a response at this time.

You can make the most of your holiday when you are in touch with how you feel and have reasonable expectations.

Have a wonderful Holiday Season!

Your Holiday Vision

Tue, 06 Dec 2011 00:05:00 +0000

The holiday season brings on a sense of excitement but, can also bring stress and family conflict. We all have an image about how we view this season in our heads. Often we are trying to achieve that perfect holiday experience. We also often assume that others are experiencing that perfect holiday and we struggle when ours fails to meet that expectation. When we can have realistic expectations that are achievable it is so much easier to accept the positive we can get from this season.

The kind of holiday experience we are looking for changes through the course of our lives and with our lifestyles changes. It is important to look at what your expectations are for this season and realistically evaluate what you need to do to achieve the results you want. It is also important to see it as a process and stop to check in with yourself frequently to see if you need to re-evaluate your plans or your expectations.

It is easy sometimes to just keep running forward to meet the demands of the season and not to pay attention to what is going on with you. Taking on too much can create stress and get in the way of your normal schedule interfering with sleep and healthy eating patterns. If you plan ahead you can look at what possible stress or demands you have and make a plan how best to meet those demands. How best can you take care of yourself so that you are free to enjoy this season.

Where you need to be at this time is in the planning stage. There will be future blogs on the other topics of the season. But, for now it is time to check in with yourself and significant others to see what you want this holiday season to look like. Is your vision realistic and what do you need to get there? How will you take care of yourself to best enjoy this season? Do you need to look at your view of what this holiday season should look like and adjust that view to match where you are this year? Have there been changes in your life this year and do you need to figure out how that effects your holiday season? Big or small changes sometimes cause a big rippling effect of change and you need to accommodate how that change fits into the whole picture this season. Did you have a positive change like getting married or being in a relationship where now you have to deal with both sets of family? Did you move away from family or friends or did other family members move and now you have to figure out how to handle the holidays long distance or accommodate out of town visitors? Did you lose a loved one such a parent, partner or a child? Did you go through a break up or a divorce? Did you have a child which is both exciting but, sometimes also stressful handling the pressures of the holidays? Do you have a special needs child, this season can add more stress to how you cope and care for your child with your child? Did you stop drinking or using drugs this year and need to have a relapse prevention plan to get through the holidays? Are you or a loved one struggling with a medical condition? Did you or your partner lose their job and there are financial issues? What in your life has changed and do you to need to change your picture in your head of what this season looks like? If you can outline what you need to deal with you can have a plan. It is better to have plan than to try and avoid what has changed or what stress is in your life.

Taking time throughout this season to check in with yourself and take care of yourself can help you enjoy this season to the fullest. Remember it is often in those quiet small moments that you renew yourself and experience your true enjoyment of the holiday season.

Two: Our Age Group

Wed, 16 Nov 2011 16:05:00 +0000

In the gym I blend among the forty something's but, I am not one of them. Their lives are different as they struggle to manage work outs while being a mom juggling work, homework and kid activities with dinner. I hide there until someone asks how old my kids are and then I mutter quietly that I have two 20 year olds and a 24 year old. They always seem confused about what to say and surprised that I am older than I look. I am not in their world any more. It is such a quiet world where I live “lost in between”. On a good day I am excited about the changes in my life and filled with wonderful exciting ideas. On a bad day the emptiness sometimes threatens to consume me as I struggle to master this phase.

We are out there this age group in larger forces then we know. We don’t know where we belong but, we know we are not old. We are not sure what our purpose or goals are now. We know that we are very different than our parents were at this age. We are more active and healthy than our parents were. What is out there for us and how do we redefine our purpose and goals to fit where we are in life?

A dear friend of mine rescued me from feeling down this week and reminded me the importance of have a close friend in my life. She also reminded me that this was my time now as I muttered “but, I am old now”. She smiled and said “no today you just feel old”.

Another friend looked up at me from her desk and said that she got some test results and when she looked online it said that the condition occurred in the elderly. She is in her early 60’s and asked me “What do you consider to be elderly?” She knows she is not elderly but, she wonders where she fits in. I reassured her that I considered elderly to be people in their 80’s and 90’s.

We need our own identity and a sense of self-worth. Maybe it is time to be a force to be dealt with. There needs to be a shift in how we see our value in society.

One: Finding Our Way Through Midlife

Mon, 14 Nov 2011 17:55:00 +0000

We are all living longer and with this increased life expectancy there needs to be a shift in how we not only view midlife but, how we respond to the whole midlife phase of our lives. We all know many people who live well into their 90's. This middle phase of life brings up its own issues as well as being a key life phase that can shape the years to come. Although there is more written about the midlife phase of life there still seems to be some gaps in the information out there. We are all familiar with the term “midlife crisis” although most people believe it applies to men. We hear the word "empty nest" which mostly applies to women with children. However, there are those midlifers out there that didn't have children and are facing the same issues and concerns as their counterparts that had children. I think we need to revisit what we think about midlife and what similarities our ages brings to the picture regardless of whether we had children or not. Whether we are married, divorced or never married there are the same concerns and issues that seem to surface during this time. It is time to talk about them and find our way through them.

I want to write a book about midlife issues and concerns. I am a psychotherapist and a Life Coach so I can bring some wisdom to the table. I am a midlifer and I have never been so thrown by a life phase as I am with this one. Maybe this is my effort to heal myself while helping others tackle the issues and concerns we all have. I talk to friends and people about the stuff they are all going through and they seem to be the same issues whether they had children or not. I am considered an empty nester but, I hate that term. I am not sure exactly why I hate it but, I do. It might be that having people some who I didn't even know that well point to me and say "ah empty nest" in reference to my twins going off to college when I could barely talk about it myself. Or it might be that it leaves out the people who did not have kids from the midlife experience one of them who is a close friend. Or it may be both. I like my own new term which describes exactly how I feel. If we look at age groups we have the last phase 90's which is still old. We have the 70's and 80's which looks very different than it did twenty years ago now they can lead healthier more active lives so we could call these folks older. We have the next phase that I am talking about the midlife phase from like age 47- 65. Now you can't describe this group as old although they might feel it and their children might think they are old. This is a new vital age group that gets lost in the mix and there is no one to really represent them. They look healthier and are more active than their parents were at this age. They have less health concerns than their parents and they are not ready to retire intellectually. Most are not ready to retire financially as well. We need to redefine this age group and look at the issues that surround this group. I like my new term to describe this group "Lost in Between" . They are "lost in between" being young adults and being older adults. They are too young to be considered seniors although AARP likes to send you your first letter to join at age 50. This group is lost in society and there needs are ignored. They are the quiet voice because it may seem that no one wants to listen to them or look at what they still have left to contribute to society. This blog is about them and me.

I am one of the "Lost In Between" and this is my blog as I work my way through to a new kind of life style and redefine my purpose in life. Come join me in the midlife quest.

Being thankful

Thu, 10 Nov 2011 06:35:00 +0000

It occured to me that I spend a lot of time focusing on what I want to have happen in the future. But, it is so much better looking at what I do have and being thankful. I do think it is important to look ahead and have goals. It is however equally important to enjoy the journey to where you want to be. I walked my dogs today and looked up at the beautiful mountains off in a distance. They had snow on them and the skies were so blue. There is never a day where I don't think of how lucky I am to be in this Littleton, Centennial, Highlands Ranch area. The view of the mountains never gets old and it is my stable force. So while you are developing your goals and planning to move forward remember to look at what you have in your life that you are thankful for to enjoy the journey.

Empty Nest Notes

Sun, 16 Oct 2011 16:00:00 +0000

Letting go has a series of stages and with each stage you have to let go a little more.Each time you lose another piece of yourself wondering if you will be able to reclaim a piece of your soul to replace the missing parts. It was inevitable that this time would come but, you seem less prepared for the fianl parts to be gone. There were bay showers to usher you into motherhood and somehow encourage you to lose yourself and give everything you had to it. Now there are no parties or even a mention to what is to come. They don't check in to see how it feels for you to be alone now and don't even give it a thought. You gave it the best years of your life to this quest and now you are older. Now you are left with this gapping hole in your life. You struggle not to place any guilt into the mix because that is what you were given at their age. The difference is now you know what it feels like realizing at the time you were cluelss to the pain when you were busy moving on with your life.

Celebrate their successes and find your own goals. Life has changed you have done a good job. But, stop holding on to what it was like in the past. Move forward catch your own breath.