Life Coaching by Eileen Lang

In the gym I blend among the forty something's but, I am not one of them. Their lives are different as they struggle to manage work outs while being a mom juggling work, homework and kid activities with dinner. I hide there until someone asks how old my kids are and then I mutter quietly that I have two 20 year olds and a 24 year old. They always seem confused about what to say and surprised that I am older than I look. I am not in their world any more. It is such a quiet world where I live “lost in between”. On a good day I am excited about the changes in my life and filled with wonderful exciting ideas. On a bad day the emptiness sometimes threatens to consume me as I struggle to master this phase.

We are out there this age group in larger forces then we know. We don’t know where we belong but, we know we are not old. We are not sure what our purpose or goals are now. We know that we are very different than our parents were at this age. We are more active and healthy than our parents were. What is out there for us and how do we redefine our purpose and goals to fit where we are in life?

A dear friend of mine rescued me from feeling down this week and reminded me the importance of have a close friend in my life. She also reminded me that this was my time now as I muttered “but, I am old now”. She smiled and said “no today you just feel old”.

Another friend looked up at me from her desk and said that she got some test results and when she looked online it said  that the condition occurred in the elderly. She is in her early 60’s and asked me “What do you consider to be elderly?” She knows she is not elderly but, she wonders where she fits in. I reassured her that I considered elderly to be people in their 80’s and 90’s.

We need our own identity and a sense of self-worth. Maybe it is time to be a force to be dealt with. There needs to be a shift in how we see our value in society.

We are all living longer and with this increased life expectancy there needs to be a shift in how we not only view midlife but, how we respond to the whole midlife phase of our lives. We all know many people who live well into their 90's. This middle phase of life brings up its own issues as well as being a key life phase that can shape the years to come. Although there is more written about the midlife phase of life there still seems to be some gaps in the information out there. We are all familiar with the term “midlife crisis” although most people believe it applies to men. We hear the word "empty nest" which mostly applies to women with children. However, there are those midlifers out there that didn't have children and are facing the same issues and concerns as their counterparts that had children. I think we need to revisit what we think about midlife and what similarities our ages brings to the picture regardless of whether we had children or not. Whether we are married, divorced or never married there are the same concerns and issues that seem to surface during this time. It is time to talk about them and find our way through them.

I want to write a book about midlife issues and concerns. I am a psychotherapist and a Life Coach so I can bring some wisdom to the table. I am a midlifer and I have never been so thrown by a life phase as I am with this one. Maybe this is my effort to heal myself while helping others tackle the issues and concerns we all have. I talk to friends and people about the stuff they are all going through and they seem to be the same issues whether they had children or not. I am considered an empty nester but, I hate that term. I am not sure exactly why I hate it but, I do. It might be that having people some who I didn't even know that well point to me and say "ah empty nest" in reference to my twins going off to college when I could barely talk about it myself. Or it might be that it leaves out the people who did not have kids from the midlife experience one of them who is a close friend. Or it may be both. I like my own new term which describes exactly how I feel. If we look at age groups we have the last phase 90's which is still old. We have the 70's and 80's which looks very different than it did twenty years ago now they can lead healthier more active lives so we could call these folks older. We have the next phase that I am talking about the midlife phase from like age 47- 65. Now you can't describe this group as old although they might feel it and their children might  think they are old. This is a new vital age group that gets lost in the mix and there is no one to really represent them. They look healthier and are more active than their parents were at this age. They have less health concerns than their parents and they are not ready to retire intellectually. Most are not ready to retire financially as well. We need to redefine this age group and look at the issues that surround this group. I like my new term to describe this group "Lost in Between" . They are "lost in between" being young adults and being older adults. They are too young to be considered seniors although AARP likes to send you your first letter to join at age 50. This group is lost in society and there needs are ignored. They are the quiet voice because it may seem that no one wants to listen to them or look at what they still have left to contribute to society. This blog is about them and me.

I am  one of the "Lost In Between" and this is my blog as I work my way through to a new kind of life style and redefine my purpose in life. Come join me in the midlife quest.